Quiet Quitting =/= Burnout
Managers, we need to remind our directs that they make the world a little brighter and the internet a little less awful.
(You can scroll down to skip my fun anecdote and get right to the tips and resources, I won’t be offended) ⬇️
My direct report came to me frustrated about a particularly sticky cross-functional issue. As he recounted his interaction in great detail, he ended with an overburdened sigh - "I don't want to quiet quit, boss". We talk a lot about mental health and wellness in Trust & Safety Operations when it comes to preventing burnout. Yet the concept of quiet quitting isn't really discussed in Trust & Safety, despite the fact that it's a hot topic.
Burnout and quiet quitting seem very similar on the surface. Both lead to detachment from the job, both cause mental fatigue for the employees, and both have serious effects on the company's output. (I don’t personally care about that last part, but I know someone will, so here we are).
From a Trust & Safety Operations standpoint, we’re well versed with the symptoms of burnout and the mental anguish that follows. However, we are taught that burnout can be resolved through rest, that returning recharged and refreshed is possible. Yes, we've spent the employee, but it was their general commitment to the job that caused burnout. This isn't an argument for this position, just that it seems to be pervasive in Trust & Safety. I've heard many times from leadership, "Oh, they don't want to look at child safety content?". LeT’s tRy ViOlEnT eXtReMiSiM iNsTeAd”. Beyond the obvious disturbing-content-to-equally-disturbing-content swap that reinforces their vicarious trauma, this won't solve the hustle/"high impact" culture and the way that feeds into an employee's inner turmoil. No one wants a “meets most expectations” (cough facebook cough) on their performance cycle because that directly impacts your career. So of course you’re going to push yourself so hard, you’re hollow.
Uber, the worst offender of this type of culture, calls this phenomenon “red-lining”. For those unfamiliar, when a car’s gas tank is so low it’s basically empty, the volume indicator is past the “redline” or giant “E” on the gas gauge. Sure, the car may still run for awhile, but it’s running on fumes and will probably break down soon. You should absolutely never do this, Papa Dees (AKA my dad) has been a mechanic since he was 12 and will absolutely give you a stern talking to with strong language and wild hand gestures. And if you’re under my management steer and do redline yourself to exhaustion, I will also absolutely give you a stern talking to with less colorful language, but still wild hand gestures, ask any of my former directs.
Quiet quitting, however, is an insidious, death-by-a-thousand-cuts issue. Managers fail their people when they don't appreciate them, don't give them the tools they need to succeed, and don't have growth conversations with them. I'm told that the true definition is detachment from one's job and merely collecting a paycheck. Although you may do a good job, you have a sense of corporate nihilism. Detachment, especially in Trust & Safety, can often be good, but there's a difference between healthy compartmentalization and passively hating your job.
It is within our power as managers to protect against this, and to help people find the right path forward. It is okay if your report leaves your team by choice! But you should help them sort that out, nobody should go on the career journey alone. Yes, everyone should own their career, but shepherding and encouraging self-discovery should be Management 101. And if you’re new to this or just want a weird gal’s perspective, I gotchu.
Jessica’s Top Tricks for Being a Boss that Occasionally Doesn’t Suck
Don’t equate your struggle with their struggle. "I understand" isn't helpful because, be honest with yourself, you don't. At best, you can guess. You'll never really understand what the person is feeling, what's going on in their head, and the thousand of signals - big and small - that are driving them to have this specific conversation and express these specific feelings at this particular time. Don’t try to, just listen.
Empathy is key. And not that wishy-washy HR version of empathy, where you nod, and say “mmm, I hear you”. In some cases, breaking the fourth wall and commiserating with them is necessary. Because we’re all human beings, we want to feel connected and heard. We’ve all felt that Jill* from legal is a huge jerk, so don’t be shy about reaching down and saying, “yeah, Jill can absolutely be a jerk”. Be a human and be open. Watch this Brené Brown clip for a pretty solid TL;DR of what empathy can look like if we’re open. (Though, again, I discourage using any “I understand” language).
Encourage safe spaces. Get away from corporate nonsensical version of this and hear me out. Give them an open forum to let them talk shit about you. Let me say that again for those in the back. Give 👏 them 👏 an 👏 open 👏 forum 👏 to 👏 talk 👏 shit 👏 about 👏 you. Think about this for a second. Everyone gets frustrated with their boss and some stupid mistake they made, or a weird communication issue that makes them go “uhhhh what? ”. If they’re going to do it anyway, verbally acknowledge and give them the freedom to do it, but ask that if there’s something the whole group feels/something catastrophic, to come to you via a group representative or as a whole team. It's impossible for your team to share what's really happening if they don't trust you. You can't fix something if you don't know about it. Resentment will build, and quiet quitting will happen, plain and simple.
Give them as much rope as they need. Don’t calendar stalk. Don’t micromanage. Don’t pressure them to do things the way you would do them because, let’s face it, most of us don’t really know what the heck we’re doing. It’s their choice whether to use the rope you give them to build a bridge or to hang themselves.
Create a career together. The first thing I tell people is that I am their stepping stone. It's possible for them to "step on me" to a promotion, a bigger responsibility, or even a different role entirely. It’s okay to articulate this! We should celebrate the time a person puts into a role and a team, and fully expect that they won't report to you forever. That would be insane and codependent. It's a disservice to everyone when managers are afraid to say the quiet part out loud. Chart a course that makes sense based on what your people want in their roles, careers, and lives. Are they seeking a more technical role, but feel stuck in operations? Provide them with opportunities to learn those skillsets and to network with people who have those jobs internally. Are they interested in becoming managers? Provide them with the ability to lead internal team projects and mentor their peers without it feeling forced for everyone involved.
I guess the TL;DR here is - be a dang human being! People will want to be associated with you.
People don't quit jobs, they quit bad managers, blah blah blah - we've all heard that at every manager training in the last 10 years. It's not a novel concept, but it's repeated because, tbh, it’s true 99% of the time. That said, there are times when the opportunity presented to your direct truly is exciting, new, and maybe a little scary to them. They might take that opportunity, even if they adore you as their manager, because it will allow them to grow towards what they want most. If you helped that person find their dream, whatever that means to them, congratulations! Achievement unlocked! You were someone’s great manager, so fist pump into the air à la Breakfast Club, and get to work finding your next amazing employee.
If you want more resources from yours truly, please feel free to make a copy of these items. They're what I use with my own people, and you might like them too.
*PS - If you’re a Jill in legal, I am sorry, you are probably wonderful.