I’ve wrestled with the decision to pen down these words, to be this open and transparent and vulnerable. Selfishly, I’ve felt disclosing any sort of issue would put a scarlet letter on my chest, so I’ve written, deleted, and rewritten this post at least 20 times. Yet, the significance of this issue, the importance of discussing mental health within Trust & Safety, has remained unshakable. And with Suicide Awareness Month upon us, there’s no better time than the present to broach this subject.

Like so many of my peers, I struggle. And not in the basic “I’m on the struggle bus” kind of way because too much work has piled up (though I have those days too!) but also because I have a few bonafide, doctor-prescribed issues. Most prominently in my brain cocktail is a genetic mood disorder that I cannot help or change. Statistically, I have a 20% chance of dying by suicide. So that sucks. I try not to think about it too closely.

When I joined Trust & Safety for the first time, I was coming off of the worst year of my life. Personal circumstances threw my entire world into chaos, and I came face to face with whether or not I wanted to be alive anymore. Believe me when I say that stumbling into Trust & Safety at that precise moment felt like serendipity.

The good news is I’m high functioning. The bad news is I’m high functioning. I bootstrap my way through any struggle no matter how painful and put off any sort of help for as long as humanly possible. I’m fine, this is fine, everything’s fine is my daily motto. I ride each wave of feeling “good” with the fervent hope it will never ebb. But when it inevitably does? I soldier on until I’m so depleted, I can’t see up from down, and all I can possibly process for the next few days is reality television. And usually I hear a lot of “are you okay”s during this time because just keeping my head above water while it feels like someone is actively trying to drown you is hard.

In our industry, we toss around terms like “resilience”, “wellness”, and “well-being” quite a bit. But we rarely dive into the nitty-gritty of brain chemistry, and what happens when someone with pre-existing mental health issues decides to jump into the world of Trust & Safety.

If I could share one piece of advice, it’s this: never underestimate those of us with pre-existing mental health conditions just because we have these conditions. Many of us have developed some pretty robust coping mechanisms over the years that are directly applicable to T&S work. While there may be unique challenges, treating individuals with pre-existing mental health disorders or illnesses or issues should follow the same behavior principles we apply to anyone different from ourselves - treat them with respect, kindness, and understanding.

The truth is, accommodations for those with pre-existing mental health conditions can vary widely because there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. I know now that working from home is a godsend for me; it offers me the kind of relief I can’t get from being in an office all day, every day. And you know what? That doesn’t make me a subpar employee; it makes me a differently abled one.

Recognizing this about myself has taught me not to accept positions that require me to be an in office for 8 or more hours a day. This was in no small part a reason why I left Roblox, which is objectively a great company - but the company culture is to have everyone in office, and there was only so long I could push that off.

Now that I work from home, I don’t spend fifteen minutes in my car, trying to psych myself up to go into an office building, battling back a lifetime of anxiety. Instead, I take five seconds before hopping on a Zoom call to take a deep breath, or I turn my camera off when my anxiety is full tilt.

Living with a mood disorder occasionally means that there are days where I’m just… off. It’s like my brain transforms into Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I might find myself shorter with people or less interested in playing the game of corporate politics. On those days, I’ve become adept at asking my team to hold the mirror up for me - “was I an asshole today?” That’s what support looks in my world - having people I trust to tell me when I’m a little too spicy so I can course-correct or offer an apology. And when you’re depending on an unreliable narrator that is your own brain, you learn the art of assuming positive intent from others because the odds of misinterpreting a situation are remarkably high. Consequently, I’ve made an effort to double-down on building my empathy skills, which allows me to consistently work to understand things from others’ viewpoints. This is especially important in times when I’m running low on energy and can’t fully trust my own perception.

I’ve had conversations with people, thoughtful, kind, considerate people, that ask me if those with pre-existing mental health issues can handle T&S work given these differences in brain chemistry. My resounding answer is, yes, a thousand times yes! We should never write off an entire group of people due to factors outside of their control. The sentiment I’ve encountered repeatedly among others who may share some form of atypical brain chemistry is that compartmentalization is second nature - that, in order to function, you must become Herculean at coping. I can vouch for this from my own journey: if you’re dealing with a pre-existing mental health condition, you become pretty skilled at pushing forward even when things are terrible.

And for someone like me, who sometimes grapples with the existential “what’s it all for?” question, working in T&S provides a profound sense of purpose. What’s it all for? Well, it’s for this - for upholding democracy, for saving lives, for helping in times of crisis, for making sense of a world that tries to eat itself, and to see people stand together and say no, this isn’t the world we want for ourselves, our loved ones, our future. For those of us who are neurodiverse in one way or another, tapping into that sense of purpose and offering hope for positive change is nothing short of extraordinary.

At least one person you know is dealing with a mental health condition, be it generalized anxiety disorder, depression, or something else. According to the WHO, depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide, affecting over 280 million people worldwide. They’re not confined to the margins of society; these are our colleagues, friends, and family members. So when we discuss these issues in vague terms without acknowledging that some of our team members already have their own struggles separate from the horrors of the internet, we’re missing the bigger picture.

Companies can play a significant role by offering remote or highly flexible job options beyond engineering. For those that do come into the office, creating a dog-friendly environment can allow employees to bring emotional support animals to work without being singled out. Or consider starting an internal peer-to-peer program for support, similar to what Google did with Blue Dot.

Some managers with exceptionally low EQ might overlook team members who are visibly struggling. It’s okay to ask your team if they’re okay, but be ready to genuinely listen to their responses. To create a psychologically safe environment for your team, give them the space to honestly share what they’re going through. Not every one-on-one needs to be a status update; sometimes, it’s a chance for them to open up.

In my opinion, the most crucial step a manager can take is to destigmatize mental health and mental illnesses. Grant mental health days without repercussions or the expectation of immediate availability. Talk about therapy as if it were as normal as going to the dentist. Encourage all team members to prioritize standing appointments with mental health professionals, emphasizing that it’s perfectly acceptable for them to take the time they need to attend these medical appointments. Because they are medical appointments. Full stop.

We all have our unique quirks, and that includes our mental health. But those quirks are what make us who we are, and they’re not a reflection of our potential to work alongside our T&S peers. Besides, what’s normal? It’s a made up term which no one fits into anyway.

For more information on Suicide Awareness Month, or to learn the signs and symptoms, visit NAMI’s excellent support center.

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Okay back to your regularly scheduled content.

Before I dive into this, let me start by saying that what I'm about to share is based on my own experiences. While some of it may resonate with other women, I acknowledge that everyone's journey is unique, shaped by various factors, both systemic and personal. I want to emphasize that these thoughts are solely mine and do not represent any official stance as a company leader, employer, or an attempt to disparage any particular company.

After immersing myself in the realm of Trust & Safety across various companies, it has become painfully evident that my male colleagues and I have vastly different experiences. Now, don't get me wrong, there's no shortage of articles, books, and think pieces by some incredibly influential women in tech discussing the glaring disparities in how men and women are treated in the industry at large. But that's not the focus here. No, the disparities I've observed go beyond the well-trodden paths, because, you see, Trust and Safety transcends the usual boundaries of work.

We all know that the discussions we have in Trust & Safety would make HR’s head spin. I’m pretty sure lengthy, sometimes explicit dissections of porn in a conference room violates every sexual harassment training I’ve ever taken - and for good reason! Nevertheless, it’s my job to dive feet first into these subjects, engage with the content, and handle the work, no matter how unglamorous. Because of my role(s), I tend to be the only woman in the room with a bunch of male colleagues where these discussions take place. Without fail the men will instinctively lower their voice when mentioning anything traditionally uncomfortable, and cast nervous glances at me. No one else. Just me. It’s like walking into a room where people were just talking about you, and suddenly everyone goes quiet. Big, bugged eyes - all on me.

Now, it’s entirely possible that I just emit a strong aura of awkwardness; this is absolutely a constant fear of mine, looming over every single interaction I’ve ever had… ever. But I know this is different. It’s not just the uncomfortable silence and darting eyes; it’s the nervous laughter that follows, and the uneasy squirming in seats. And being cursed with the toxic trait of cracking jokes in uncomfortable situations, I unleash some snarky comment to propel the conversation forward, pretending as if nothing out of the ordinary happened - as though it’s completely fine, everything’s fine, let’s get back to the porn playing on the screen, which is a totally normal thing for normal people to do, act casual Jess, it’s up to you to make sure these people feel safe.

This does not happen when I’m in conversations with female colleagues. In those meetings, there's a distinct camaraderie as we bounce ideas off each other, delving into the realm of utterly repulsive topics with a sense of shared understanding. Yes, it's undeniably awkward, but there's a certain fluidity to our discourse, a desensitization to the language we use. And so, whether we're dissecting policy matters, discussing enforcement strategies, or diving into product intricacies, we navigate these conversations with relative ease.

Compounding on the general awkwardness is navigating the distinct challenge of defending your work in a manner that I've never encountered throughout my entire professional history prior to venturing into the world of Trust & Safety.

As a woman in Trust & Safety, I find myself constantly having to defend my choice to be in this field. Let’s continue with the daunting task of reviewing explicit content, hardcore pornography, and disturbing instances of potentially fake (at least, I hope so) rape. It falls upon me to make the call of "well, that falls under freedom of expression" and carry on with my day. It gnaws at you, no doubt, but what gnaws even more is the judgment from others on all sides of the conversation.

There are those who agree with the anti-porn laws or applaud the emergence of legislation like FOSTA, and the judgment against them lingers. "Sex work is real work" is a phrase that frequently gets thrown around by FOSTA opposers, serving as a convenient way to shut down any real regulatory discussion while disregarding the genuine implications and repercussions that those bills strive to address. On the flip side, there are those who recognize the harmful impact of certain content but choose to tolerate it in order to uphold the principles of freedom of expression and the live-and-let-live philosophy. However, those who vehemently oppose this approach, driven by an unwavering commitment to absolute safety, fail to grasp the grave consequences of suppressing all awful-but-lawful content. They overlook the fundamental rights that are at risk and disregard the potential chaos that could unfold if we dismantle CDA 230. Yet, in either scenario, if you're a woman, you find yourself unequivocally wrong.

You're labeled a bad feminist if you align with FOSTA, or you're deemed a supporter of child grooming and revenge porn if you support freedom of expression. There's no winning. And what's particularly frustrating is that this isn't something I've observed my male colleagues facing to the same extent.

But perhaps the one that resonates the most is the comments I face regarding being a mother and working primarily in Child Safety throughout my career. As a Mom™️, there is an unwritten expectation that my role as a mother supersedes any other aspect of my life. So, as someone with children in this field, I expose myself to heightened scrutiny in an already intensely scrutinized domain, and I constantly find myself having to justify my choice to combat harmful content and protect children from legitimate predators. I hear a lot of:

“How could you do this? You have kids?”

“Oh, I could never do your line of work if I had kids.”

“Doesn’t it feel wrong going home to your kids at night?”

“How do you handle this and still call yourself a mother?” (Ouch.)

Ah, the joys of being a mom in this line of work. It's amazing how my status as a mother suddenly becomes the centerpiece of every discussion, as if it defines my entire existence. Funny how that never happens to the dads. It's like my dedication to protecting children is automatically questioned because I also happen to be a mom. But let me set the record straight: I am in this field because I genuinely care about kids, both as a mother and as a human being with a heart. Having children only strengthens my resolve to take down the scumbags who engage in these reprehensible acts. My identity didn't vanish the moment I became a mom; if anything, it fueled my determination to fight even harder. So, yes, I'll continue doing what I do, defending the innocent, and proving that being a mom doesn't make me any less capable or passionate about my work.

As I often say, “If my kids and my family ever found themselves in these situations, I would want someone like me taking care of them on the internet.”

I have a Masters in Legal and Forensic Psychology (the fancy way of just saying “forensic psychology” by the APA, I digress). I’m not writing this as some grandstanding way of humble bragging. I’m writing this because across my career, I’ve encountered males in the field who question my ability to parse out Trust & Safety topics despite my formal educational background and years of practical experience. And I know they don’t do it on purpose. I know this because it’s faux pas to do so. But instead, what I witness are the all-too-familiar microaggressions that nearly all working-women face on a daily basis. The emotional labor and toll it takes to work in a male-dominated field is suddenly multiplied tenfold, amplifying the already challenging emotional strain that comes with being in Trust & Safety. It's like trying to navigate through a labyrinth while your mind is pulled in a million different directions.

Women aren’t immune to this phenomenon either.

I had a front-row seat to witness the masterful art of scapegoating in action. It was a sight to behold as a former boss, in all her wisdom, decided to lay the blame squarely on the shoulders of a young woman for a minor mishap in relocating a team of moderators. Little did she know, or perhaps conveniently ignored, that the real culprit behind the slip-up was none other than that young woman’s male counterpart, my boss’ direct report. And that wasn’t the first, nor last, time my boss showed positive intent to the males on the team, but not the females working alongside them.

I guess my takeaway from all of this is, well, being a woman in Trust & Safety can really suck sometimes, despite the fact that we make up a significant portion of the operational and policy roles in the field. So, to all my male-identifying colleagues out there, I implore you to be allies for women in this space. Listen to us, we’re not stupid. Give us the benefit of the doubt that we know what we’re talking about. And please, oh please, stop making it weird for us when we’re in the thick of talking about terrible shit; I promise, we won’t suddenly burst into flames at the sight of naked bodies.

Let’s all agree to stop putting women through unnecessary scrutiny and criticism as they strive to navigate an industry that often defies all logic. Can we just support each other and make this whole thing a little less absurd?

Oh - and stop asking me about being a mom in the industry. I might snap.

ICYMI / Things on my brain

1. Pornhub “pulls out” of Virginia

2. Twist: A non-US company is the first to sue for DSA

3. Twitter continues to out-Twitter itself: DSA edition

4. Water is wet and Discord has a grooming problem

5. I sure hope this Impossibility Theorem is wrong

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This week, we’re sitting down with the QA Queen, Nika Reyes, who I had the absolute pleasure of working with in a former life. But I’ll let her introduce herself:

Hi I’m Nika - I’ve worked in T&S for six years doing a variety of roles but have spent the past few years with a specific focus on T&S QA. Outside of work I like terrible reality TV, playing tennis and working out, and reading.

So without further ado, let’s get into it!

1. What the heck is QA in Trust & Safety, and how did you get into it? 

I think when most people think of "QA," they envision product QA, which is more akin to stress-testing or bug-testing that is usually conducted before a product launch. T&S QA, on the other hand, is a primarily retrospective process that aims to ensure that a policy decision or process was properly followed during moderation. I first became involved in T&S QA when I worked as a queue agent and demonstrated a talent for moderation, leading me to be tasked with QA workflows and setting the "correct" answer as a Quality Analyst.

2. What do you think people who are new to Trust & Safety, especially QA, need to know? 

Moderation is deceptively simple - the industry has done a great job of making simple review products or moderation queues where on paper the task is just "look at this image" or "read this comment" and apply a label to it! That doesn’t sound so bad - except when you see the content and realize there’s an extreme amount of nuance. Who is talking to whom? Why did they post this? Are they being sarcastic? Where is this person located? Maybe they’re in another country where a certain phrase they used has a very different connotation. These are a handful of the questions that might pop up when evaluating content, and they are difficult to adequately capture in data. For the purposes of quality assurance, this gets complicated when one of the QA goals is to blindly duplicate the original review process; nuance and context can change or get lost.

3. How do you think the role of QA in T&S will change in the next 10 years? 

Not necessarily a bad thing, but I believe T&S will face greater scrutiny as the general public becomes more aware of it. Whenever there's a T&S-related PR crisis, I wonder if it went through QA. It's good that platforms are held accountable for their moderation decisions, and I believe QA will increasingly become part of the chain of accountability. Over the past decade, the public's reaction has been "Why was that allowed?" or "Why was that blocked?" However, as people gain a better understanding of moderation, I believe this will evolve to questions like "Why was that [allowed/blocked]?" "How many levels of review did it go through?" "Did anyone check that?"

Furthermore, at present, T&S QA mainly involves retroactively checking moderation. However, there are increasing moves towards becoming more proactive. As we become more aware of the risks of allowing harmful content (or blocking beneficial content), I believe QA will play a more significant role in the overall moderation system, potentially earlier in the process.

4. If you were in charge of a brand new UGC platform, what features would you include to promote safety? 

More of a strategy than a feature, I would determine the number of users the moderation team could adequately serve and limit the number of users based on that number. If the platform wanted to grow its user base, the T&S team would need to grow proportionally. Would anyone ever go for this strategy? Probably not! It pretty obviously limits growth, but I think it would create the safest platform to date if anyone ever went for it.

Another strategy would be to be very conscientious about expanding into other countries and supporting new languages. I've seen this happen without adequate support quite a few times. Supporting a new language is definitely not as easy as throwing some content into Google Translate and going from there!

5. What’s your go-to strategy for dealing with the internet’s worst people? 

In my personal life, I am very offline (maybe because I work in T&S!). On a micro-level, I think ignoring and disengaging is helpful. I read a book called The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker years ago, and while the book is about physical safety and security, there's a lot of discussion about stalkers and how any attention in these situations is positive attention for the person being abusive.

The algorithms behind popular platforms are the same way. If you comment on something because you hate it, that's still "positive attention," and it still gets the content to more eyes. I don't think this necessarily applies in all online situations, but I think it's a helpful gut check to give yourself before engaging with others, especially strangers, online.

6. If you could go back in time and be part of the creation of the internet, what would you do differently to ensure T&S were built in from the beginning? 

I would emphasize diversity within the working environment. Unfortunately, many disciplines in tech limit themselves to thinking of their 'ideal' user, who is often just like them in terms of education, race, politics, and economic status. One of the easiest ways to combat this is by having a diverse team, where not everyone thinks alike or has the same background or experiences. I don't think it's an unfamiliar feeling for BIPOC, women, LGBTQ folks, and other underrepresented groups to see an article about how some product went awry and think, "yeah, one person like me in the room could have told you that was going to happen." The T&S teams I've been on have consistently been more diverse than the rest of the company, and I don't think this is accidental.

7. How do you stay up to date on the latest trends and technologies related to T&S? 

With trends, the first step is to admit defeat and know that you can’t keep up with everything! There will always be a weird, niche corner of the internet you’re just learning about. Personally, I choose a few sources like The Verge or ICYMI (a podcast) to keep me updated on internet trends and news that might be outside of my personal scope in some way.

8. If you could create a T&S dream team, who would they be, and why? 

Interesting question! I've had so many great coworkers across many different organizations that my initial reaction was to think, "Oh, I would hire this person, and this person, and this person..." But more broadly speaking, and related to one of my previous answers, my T&S dream team is one with a huge diversity of experiences and backgrounds. I think bringing a wide mix of people to the table is what makes really successful T&S teams.

9. And finally - in your opinion, what role do you think T&S should play in the inherent triangle of awful that is privacy, censorship, and safety?

Oof - saving the hard stuff for last! I don’t have a super coherent answer here, but a few thoughts: I think the role of T&S depends on the specific community. One thing that was nice about the “old internet”, in the forum days prior to our massive social platforms, was that communities were relatively small and niche. Meaning they could make their own specific rules that worked for that community (my husband is in one of these now, a very small forum for people who are interested in video games in a very particular way). In some ways, the smallness of forums is really beneficial because the T&S for something small is bespoke and not a one-size-fits-all, so how T&S is involved in safety, privacy, and censorship can fit the community.

That said, when it comes to the larger platforms, T&S is always walking the line of keeping the environment safe without being extremely overly cautious and censorious. That’s a very difficult role, and I think it’s what T&S should do. We are the department to consider worst-case scenarios and different viewpoints.

Huge thanks to Nika for being a good sport and answering all of my silly questions.

Things Occupying My Brain (ICYMI):

1. This doesn’t bode well for TikTok

2. Companies busting their asses to eliminate child abuse online are told they’re not doing that by former group who wanted to ban porn for everyone

3. EARN IT and others are coming back down the pike

4. Don’t forget DSA is looming

5. Content moderators are unionizing and I hope more follow suit

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I’ve been struggling to find the right words to express my thoughts and feelings about this situation, which is wreaking havoc on the lives and livelihoods of so many people I know and care about. Many people have reached out across my network, expressing their concern for my well-being and checking to see if I’ve been impacted. And while I am so grateful for their kindness and support, I can’t help but feel guilty that I’ve been spared while others have not. I don’t need support, I think, spend that energy on the terrific humans who are caught in the stupid games being played amongst terrible leadership.

No, I’m still here, in my still-brand new role, grappling with uncertainty and the anxiety that my team is experiencing right now. I worry that I’m only a half-decent peace time leader, but am absolutely flailing as a “war time” leader. My team is looking to me for guidance and reassurance, they are trusting me with their career growth, and yet we still don’t know if they’re going to be laid off. (Yes, that’s right, Google has not announced when or where or who will be laid off in a handful of countries.) I worry that these wonderful, lovely people I’m charged with shepherding will pull the short end of the algorithm and I will be powerless to stop it.

Trust & Safety is a “critical function”. When I look across the past year and change, I am reminded of the times I had to fight, tooth-and-nail, to convince higher-ups across the smorgasbord of companies I’ve worked at to keep our moderators at home during the pandemic and subsequent waves of infection. These folks work for and with us, whether directly or indirectly, and they deserved the flexibility to work remotely to stay safe and healthy.

But here’s the thing - these companies labeled these functions as “office-critical”. This meant dragging our moderators back into an office straight out of Severance in places where there were no legal protections to stop my leadership from doing so. Let me repeat that for those in the back: Trust & Safety is so critical to functional UGC operations that big companies forced people to be in office to handle the work. During a pandemic. And now, they’re firing us if we don’t go back, and they’re laying us off even if we do go back, all the while talking out both sides of their mouths by repeating how critical we are. Critical. Critical. Critical. Bullshit.

The more we toss around the word "critical," the less it means. And as folks in T&S, we see desensitization of language happen all the time, both for better or for worse. It's like if you say "penis" enough times with your colleagues, eventually it becomes a mundane conversation you have in hallways because when we're talking about serious stuff like determining if a moderator is looking at a kid or an adult, we can't use anything but clinical terms. But THIS phenomenon, THIS watering down, is what happens when we hear the word "critical" over and over again in every layoff notice, post, or diatribe that we are all subjected to right now. Critical means nothing to anyone anymore.

Here's a free piece of advice for all company leaders out there: laying off people in your Trust & Safety department is an incredibly bad idea. How many people have the stomach to watch the terrible video of Tyre Nichols being brutally murdered by police just to determine how to initiate an incident response, sort through rapid fire uploads, and stabilize the situation? Who wants to pass along the guidelines of what is/is not a credible news organization discussing the horrors that humans inflict on each other, knowing that other flesh-and-blood humans will have to review each and every upload to confirm what type of actor is uploading the footage? Who wants to subject themselves to listening to racial slurs to check if it’s just violative enough to take action against the flaming garbage fire who uploaded it? How many of us are willing to sift through endless streams of content and grant a platform to those who actively seek to strip us of our rights, incite violence against our communities, and spread hate and destruction for their own selfish gain, all in the name of supposed "unbiased" policies? And then higher ups have the gall to espouse they’re “doing the right thing”? Who, exactly, is this the right thing for? Because it’s certainly not for humanity, that task lies with the people willing to do what I’ve laid out, and you’ve just laid them off.

TikTok, in a cheeky PR stunt, released a Trust & Safety center where one of the activities you can do is play a game where you moderate content according to policy. How cute. I can’t help but wonder if TikTok included their collection of kitten suffocation, jihadist beheadings, or child rape in their fun little game of pretending to do content moderation. And for the business influencers who toured the center, I have to ask: Did you see the pain of a child below the age of 5? 2? 1? Did you hear the bone saw? The fruitless, scared meows? Did you listen to it? Did you have a VP strut behind you and say, “I empathize with your decision to remove this, but actually we should allow this on the platform because [insert censorship, privacy, or just cause 🤷‍♀️ here]?” Because if you didn’t, you didn’t try moderation for an hour, you got placated by a corporation whose survival depends on people willing to look at the things you won’t. What a waste of money.

If you’re sensing any bitterness, you shouldn’t be sensing it, you should be drowning in it. I’m angry. I’m angry for my friends, angry at my industry, and angry that my children will inherit a culture that puts capitalism above all else, even if it means cutting the very staff tasked with protecting them from physical and mental harm. Twitter is a glaring example of what happens when you foolishly let go of the very people who work tirelessly to ensure your product doesn’t become a total dumpster fire for the world to see. Who would have guessed that racists, when given the freedom to do so, would be racist? Who would have guessed that people who want CSAM would seek CSAM? The people on the ground, Musk, the people who don’t have their heads so far shoved up their own ass as to not see the sun of awfulness that is always floating at the top of the surface of the waters of the internet, waiting to break free.

I don’t have much in the ways of words of wisdom. What I do know is that this situation is affecting people far smarter and better than me, and I hate that. And I know people who are more thoughtful than me have put together lists upon lists upon lists of resources to look at when job searching. I feel for the wonderful people now stuck in the Technology Hunger Games, hoping beyond hope that a recruiter will actually give their resume a chance instead of just sticking with the same old sources like LinkedIn.

Friends, for the first time in a long time, I don’t have encouragement. I don’t have advice. I just have rage.

As always, if you need someone to scream into the void with, reach out - I gotchu.

- Jess

Things Taking Up My Brain Space (ICYMI):

1. Hypocritical Politicians Obsessed with Non-Existent Censorship

2. Man Baby is Reminded the EU Takes No Shit

3. The Robots are Better than Us - Especially at Disinformation

4. My Company Made Some Bad Moves and the NYT Noticed

5. TikTok is Tik-taking the Parens Patriae Route So You Don’t Have To

My direct report came to me frustrated about a particularly sticky cross-functional issue. As he recounted his interaction in great detail, he ended with an overburdened sigh - "I don't want to quiet quit, boss". We talk a lot about mental health and wellness in Trust & Safety Operations when it comes to preventing burnout. Yet the concept of quiet quitting isn't really discussed in Trust & Safety, despite the fact that it's a hot topic.

Burnout and quiet quitting seem very similar on the surface. Both lead to detachment from the job, both cause mental fatigue for the employees, and both have serious effects on the company's output. (I don’t personally care about that last part, but I know someone will, so here we are).

From a Trust & Safety Operations standpoint, we’re well versed with the symptoms of burnout and the mental anguish that follows. However, we are taught that burnout can be resolved through rest, that returning recharged and refreshed is possible. Yes, we've spent the employee, but it was their general commitment to the job that caused burnout. This isn't an argument for this position, just that it seems to be pervasive in Trust & Safety. I've heard many times from leadership, "Oh, they don't want to look at child safety content?". LeT’s tRy ViOlEnT eXtReMiSiM iNsTeAd”. Beyond the obvious disturbing-content-to-equally-disturbing-content swap that reinforces their vicarious trauma, this won't solve the hustle/"high impact" culture and the way that feeds into an employee's inner turmoil. No one wants a “meets most expectations” (cough facebook cough) on their performance cycle because that directly impacts your career. So of course you’re going to push yourself so hard, you’re hollow.

Uber, the worst offender of this type of culture, calls this phenomenon “red-lining”. For those unfamiliar, when a car’s gas tank is so low it’s basically empty, the volume indicator is past the “redline” or giant “E” on the gas gauge. Sure, the car may still run for awhile, but it’s running on fumes and will probably break down soon. You should absolutely never do this, Papa Dees (AKA my dad) has been a mechanic since he was 12 and will absolutely give you a stern talking to with strong language and wild hand gestures. And if you’re under my management steer and do redline yourself to exhaustion, I will also absolutely give you a stern talking to with less colorful language, but still wild hand gestures, ask any of my former directs.

Quiet quitting, however, is an insidious, death-by-a-thousand-cuts issue. Managers fail their people when they don't appreciate them, don't give them the tools they need to succeed, and don't have growth conversations with them. I'm told that the true definition is detachment from one's job and merely collecting a paycheck. Although you may do a good job, you have a sense of corporate nihilism. Detachment, especially in Trust & Safety, can often be good, but there's a difference between healthy compartmentalization and passively hating your job.

It is within our power as managers to protect against this, and to help people find the right path forward. It is okay if your report leaves your team by choice! But you should help them sort that out, nobody should go on the career journey alone. Yes, everyone should own their career, but shepherding and encouraging self-discovery should be Management 101. And if you’re new to this or just want a weird gal’s perspective, I gotchu.

Jessica’s Top Tricks for Being a Boss that Occasionally Doesn’t Suck

1. Don’t equate your struggle with their struggle. "I understand" isn't helpful because, be honest with yourself, you don't. At best, you can guess. You'll never really understand what the person is feeling, what's going on in their head, and the thousand of signals - big and small - that are driving them to have this specific conversation and express these specific feelings at this particular time. Don’t try to, just listen.

2. Empathy is key. And not that wishy-washy HR version of empathy, where you nod, and say “mmm, I hear you”. In some cases, breaking the fourth wall and commiserating with them is necessary. Because we’re all human beings, we want to feel connected and heard. We’ve all felt that Jill* from legal is a huge jerk, so don’t be shy about reaching down and saying, “yeah, Jill can absolutely be a jerk”. Be a human and be open. Watch this Brené Brown clip for a pretty solid TL;DR of what empathy can look like if we’re open. (Though, again, I discourage using any “I understand” language).

3. Encourage safe spaces. Get away from corporate nonsensical version of this and hear me out. Give them an open forum to let them talk shit about you. Let me say that again for those in the back. Give 👏 them 👏 an 👏 open 👏 forum 👏 to 👏 talk 👏 shit 👏 about 👏 you. Think about this for a second. Everyone gets frustrated with their boss and some stupid mistake they made, or a weird communication issue that makes them go “uhhhh what? ”. If they’re going to do it anyway, verbally acknowledge and give them the freedom to do it, but ask that if there’s something the whole group feels/something catastrophic, to come to you via a group representative or as a whole team. It's impossible for your team to share what's really happening if they don't trust you. You can't fix something if you don't know about it. Resentment will build, and quiet quitting will happen, plain and simple.

4. Give them as much rope as they need. Don’t calendar stalk. Don’t micromanage. Don’t pressure them to do things the way you would do them because, let’s face it, most of us don’t really know what the heck we’re doing. It’s their choice whether to use the rope you give them to build a bridge or to hang themselves.

5. Create a career together. The first thing I tell people is that I am their stepping stone. It's possible for them to "step on me" to a promotion, a bigger responsibility, or even a different role entirely. It’s okay to articulate this! We should celebrate the time a person puts into a role and a team, and fully expect that they won't report to you forever. That would be insane and codependent. It's a disservice to everyone when managers are afraid to say the quiet part out loud. Chart a course that makes sense based on what your people want in their roles, careers, and lives. Are they seeking a more technical role, but feel stuck in operations? Provide them with opportunities to learn those skillsets and to network with people who have those jobs internally. Are they interested in becoming managers? Provide them with the ability to lead internal team projects and mentor their peers without it feeling forced for everyone involved.

I guess the TL;DR here is - be a dang human being! People will want to be associated with you.

People don't quit jobs, they quit bad managers, blah blah blah - we've all heard that at every manager training in the last 10 years. It's not a novel concept, but it's repeated because, tbh, it’s true 99% of the time. That said, there are times when the opportunity presented to your direct truly is exciting, new, and maybe a little scary to them. They might take that opportunity, even if they adore you as their manager, because it will allow them to grow towards what they want most. If you helped that person find their dream, whatever that means to them, congratulations! Achievement unlocked! You were someone’s great manager, so fist pump into the air à la Breakfast Club, and get to work finding your next amazing employee.

If you want more resources from yours truly, please feel free to make a copy of these items. They're what I use with my own people, and you might like them too.

• Career Growth Plan/Facilitation Guide

• Half Performance Template

• Quarterly Check-In Template

*PS - If you’re a Jill in legal, I am sorry, you are probably wonderful.

It's inevitable that you'll need to turn off your empathy meter at some point. Along the way, you learn little tips and tricks to do so, like how old wives tales spread across early civilizations:

• Never look at the face, especially the eyes

• Play the video without sound

• Play the video backwards, if at all possible

• Look at the corner of the material and then slowly move your eyes across the screen

etcetera.

One of my passions is wellness and wellbeing in T&S, specifically in Ops where most content exposure occurs. In fact, I researched the topic tirelessly before I left Google and I created a proposal for how moderator wellness should be built at Roblox, starting from scratch. I've read the data, analyzed the opinions, but still people who have never seen content before present me with the same solutions. It's like the witch sketch from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, which - if you haven't seen this movie - stop what you're doing and go watch it immediately.

Product: We have found a solution, may we make product adjustments?

Me: Interesting, what is it?

Product: Make the content black and white!

Me: But how do you know this will help and not distract?

Product: .... because we do!

Moderators: We said no, this wouldn't help.

Me: Well?

Product: Well, we did ask. But we have sources and data!

Me: What sources? Only one study I've seen found that switching an image to black and white marginally helped people process terrorist content with less stress. The study, however, was very limited, and overall measured stress didn't decrease significantly.

Product: ... but they got... a little better.

I get stressed over being stressed, and that's heightened during these types of interactions. I ask myself: Do I push back unnecessarily? Am I crazy? Why don't they listen to me? Can't they see that my team suffers from stress and burnout, and making pictures black and white doesn't solve the problem? Trying to balance interpersonal working relationships while mulling over these questions is exhausting. It's enough to drive anyone crazy.

In case you feel the same way, let me share some practical tips and tricks for reducing T&S stress. Hopefully this will give you the space to deal with normal corporate politics.

(Caveat: These work for me, but may not work for you. If you are in an emergency situation, please seek professional help.)

1. Play Tetris after reviewing content: Studies have shown that playing Tetris after witnessing a traumatic incident can lessen the likelihood of developing PTSD. The nature of our jobs often leaves content moderators with vicarious or secondary trauma (I'll post about that soon! ), so playing Tetris on break or after shifts can help ease the mental burden. Plus, it's a classic and it's fun.

2. In-the-Moment Affirmations: Not the corny kind you say in a mirror. Close your eyes, relax your forehead, and repeat to yourself: I am not crazy. My feelings are common. I am safe. These feelings will not last. After repeating this a few times, get up and grab some water until you feel ready to return to your computer.

3. Fidget/Distraction Tools: Those corporate-branded fads of a few years ago actually work. This is what is known as "rapid stress management" or "orienting," where you bring yourself out of the ether and into your body. Look, I don't like frou-frou sounding things or gimmicks, but studies show these tools are beneficial - and who doesn't like playing with Legos, spinning a disc, or wrapping a pipe cleaner around their finger? Alternatively, coloring books can be used. A colleague of mine kept a coloring book and pencils on her desk. Every hour, she would spend 5-10 minutes coloring, finding it incredibly therapeutic.

4. Quick-er-cise: AKA quick exercises. You can stretch at your desk, do a quick lap around your house or office, or bounce up and down in your chair. Long-form exercise can also be beneficial when done after work, such as trauma-informed yoga or running. I personally found boxing helpful.

5. And finally - drum roll please - Go see a therapist: It's not the jazziest suggestion (and it's not quick), but I really suggest seeing a therapist and maybe a psychiatrist. You are not weak or incapable of handling your job because of it. There are times when you just need to get it out and process your emotions with someone who can help. Beta blockers may also be helpful. In the aftermath of a particularly gruesome day, my psychiatrist prescribed a short-term regimen of beta blockers, which helped me tremendously. Since I'm not a doctor, I can't tell you whether medication is the right thing for you, but don't be afraid to explore all of your options. In retrospect, I regret not seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist sooner.

Dealing with content is tough. Dealing with people who don't get it is tough. I firmly believe that we are all "digital first responders" because we are effectively traumatizing ourselves so that people can connect in wonderful, interesting ways on the internet without fear of stumbling upon the chaos of freedom of expression. This is hard, unforgiving work, and not everyone will get that. So be kind to yourself, and if you need a friend, I'm always here at hellofriend@internetisawful.com

P.S. - I'm not hating on product teams, I absolutely adore every product team I've ever worked with. And hey, maybe black and white toggles do work, maybe I just haven't seen the right population of people to test it on. I am skeptical, not unreasonable. But, my product people, if you want to help us out, create consistent tooling for removals and reporting. Ops often manages upwards of 10 (!) tools to do their job, and that 100% leads to burnout and frustration. Fixing that would be * chef's kiss * 👌

My product teams look at me like I've kicked their dog hundreds of times per week. Let me give you an example from a completely different group:

Product: Imagine we clustered content by similarity in a series of images so the mod only saw these clusters instead of individual photos. Might help with wellness?

Me: Love that energy. When reviewing potential CSAM, which is already pretty tricky to navigate, we might want to consider how that will affect moderators' ability to identify prepubescent or pubescent bodies.

Product: Wait - how do they do that today?

Me: Well, they look for things like muscle development, pubic hair, breast formation, sometimes zooming in -

Product: ...

Me: ...

Me: You know what, let's move on.

It's my job to only think about users who abuse products, which is sometimes super awkward for engineers or product managers to hear. I have found that product teams don't want to think about The Bad People on the Internet™️. In Slack, I sometimes joke that HR has entered the chat to provide some levity to what otherwise would be an awkward conversation between coworkers. Maybe that makes it weirder, but these little quips make me feel better about telling someone that I've filed X number of NCMEC reports this month from their product alone.

What does all of this mean? You are not alone if you feel awkward when engaging with teams outside of Trust & Safety or don't know how much detail is too much. When trying to navigate conversations, I think through these grounding questions:

1. What is the tone of my language? Is it clinical and matter-of-fact?

2. Could the New York Times publish what I'm saying without apologizing for the graphic detail?

3. Is this conversation too acronym-heavy for my partner to understand?

4. Is this person staring at me as if I have three arms?

We all overshare; it doesn't make us weird or bad people; it just means our worldviews have changed. At the end of the day, you keep your product team safe from The Bad People on the Internet™️ by having these conversations. It's the best, most awkward gift you can give them.

However, as I comb through resumes, I'm noticing a few common patterns that make it extremely difficult for me to consider an applicant. For my new grads and career changers, I thought I'd share these tips so newer folks can have the best chance of getting the attention of hiring managers like me, who want to hire you:

1. New grads, what the heck is a business administration degree? Giving a one-liner about what you studied when you are applying for your very first corporate job is incredibly helpful. It lets people like me, who aren't hip to the thing you studied, understand you as a scholar, an applicant, and as a person.

2. List those internships! And tell me what you did as if it were your full time job. What did you work on? Detail out your favorite projects in your description so I know what you're all about.

3. If you are breaking into an industry, tell me how your skills relate to what I'm looking for. It's totally okay if you're new, but take the time to explain to me how and why you're awesome in your resume, not a cover letter. Remember: I want to like you!

4. Readability is key to getting my attention. There are a lot of resumes I've seen that are very hard to read - the text is centered, there are no clear headings, and the information is not structured in a way that I can understand what you're trying to say. Google Docs (which is free!) offers some amazing templates. Or use the LinkedIn feature to submit your LinkedIn instead of a separate resume.

5. Think written substance over graphics. Having an eye-catching resume is awesome, but without written substance, I have no idea who you are or how you might fit into my team. To really convey what you did, why you did it, and how it affected your success, use a lot of verbs.